So i'm kind of ok kind of not. Will feel much better once i get this appt over with tomorrow. It will possibly be my last have till Dec so may decide to book something later in the year if things get too bad or if i learn to highway drive. Have booked two consultation appointments with two different therapists one has experience with people with Ed the one specializes with ED. The Second one seems really nice been talking over email trying to set up and appointment and she responded quickly and answered all my questions. She seems to know what she's talking about and seems really nice. Is it weird that i'm already attached to the second T even though i've never met her and haven't even really spoken by phone? Yeah dunno she just seems a lot more friendly and i think i'd prefer someone a bit younger than the T i had because they may better understand where I'm coming from and aren't stuck in their ways and are probably more open to trying new methods of treatment than someone who's been ding it for years? mean i do want someone who's a bit experienced i don't want just anyone you know? But somewhere in the middle would be nice. Had a dentist appt this morning/early afternoon and had to get two fillings done appt was at 12.30 the numbing didn't wear off till abut 3.30pm took forever and now my mouth hurts like hell, fillings aren't supposed to hurt, and i mean it didn't take him long to do two fillings i think he was just fixing one i had done before but he was using and doing all these things i hadn't had when i got my other ones done and i'm pretty sure it was way more expensive. Neways w/e my insurance will cover 75% of the cost so its ok. Just hoping this pain wears off soon cause i can't stand being in pain when i'm not the cause. Been feeling kind of numb lately and isolating myself a lot like any opportunity i get to be alone i go up and i'm not even being productive sometimes I'm just doing w/e ...
Been craving a shit load of sugar so been indulging on choclate for as long as its in the house. Stomach is cramping from the exercise (crunches and girly pushups) i did so yeah should be interesting tomorrow as got to finish moving out of my place and back home so a lot of heavy lifting but i finally get my bike back home which will be nice as i can go biking even if its raining i don't care and just get some fucking exercise in me to get me moving again which will be nice.
ED voice are very loud reminding me of how fat i am and how my weight keeps going up and down its pathetic can't even maintain my set point weight and my plans to go running with mom have been cancelled as she's afraid of getting an injury, she had a hair line fracture last summer that took months to heal so half way into the summer i lost my exercise partner but did a lot of lifting heavy boxes so still lost some weight. A lot of my summer shorts are too big for me so need to buy new ones but don't want to buy something lose more weight and then it not fit again so waiting but might cave soon. Blahhh yeah also feeling like saying fuck it to my no purging at home rule and just allowing myself to throw up when i want to and take laxatives and by diuretics tomorrow when i'm at schl from the pharmacy and just see where it goes. Don't know stopped cause my chest was hurting but now i kind of don't care... haven't even taken my stomach pills in a while just cause i don't remember.... wow there really is nothing interesting going on in my life. Mood is pretty much the same, low and ambivalent coupled with anger, frustration and irritation about being home and doing nothing. Yup that's my life.
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