I realized after my first post that i didn't really say very much about my self so here goes. You can call me SilentNightmare or SN whichever is easier for you. This is probably my third attempt at trying to start and keep a blog, but my first serious attempt as an adult. I love to write and have a passion for poetry as it provides me with a way to express myself more fully. I'm a University Studnet in my final year in the Arts and just trying to figure out what to do with life and myself after i graduate. This blogg is as much about finding myself as it is about the frsutrations of living with EDNOS and feeling like i'm always trying to prove myself, to prove that i'm sick enoough to deserve help to both myself and my medical team. I feel like no one is taking me seriously and they all think that it is simply a phase that I'm going to grow out of once I'm done school and I'm less stressed about the changes in my life.... For the first few post i'll give a little blurb about myself so you can get to know me better.
Today i am full of anticipation, have a Dr. appointment tomorrow and sort of nervous as to how everything is going to go and if it is going to be useful or not. I'm stuck in the middle right now, partly because there is a part of me that wants help, but there is also another part of me that doesn't want help. A part of me that wants and feels like i need to get to Ana (Anorexia) before i can truly be heard, before anyone will really see me, before anyone will take me seriously. I hate being EDNOS (Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified) if you want to know what that means comment and i shall post a link to a description or Google it :) . and i hope that in the next four months i can begin my journey to lose more weight. I am no sick enough for anyone to really take me seriously, for anyone to listen to what I'm saying to process it and find ways to help me. instead I'm getting pushed into groups for anxiety, or being put on medication i really didn't want to be on. I also hope to find myself in this journey, try and figure out who I've become and what it is that i'm seeking from this life. Not sure where this is going to lead me, but i will ether gain it all or loose it all.
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