Infuriating Friday

Feeling a bit under the weather and still not sure if i should be going tot he gym or not... not even sure i want to go to my second class... not really motivated right now and feeling a bit sick and just blah.... feeling very sluggish but a part of me feels like I'm going to fail if i don't go today. Mind u i went swimming yesterday and i thought i was going to pass out by the end of it which I'm sure it has something to do with how I'm feeling today. My chest is still hurting a little, think i bruised it, didn't help that i purged last night.. my throat is feeling a bit raw too so yeah not good. Don't known whats happening to me. Things just seem to be snow balling out of control and i'm just watching myself go further and further into places i thought I'd never go like using lax or water pills, and using them consistently. Watching myself start to obsesses over exercise, the little voice in my head getting stronger and stronger. I've been feeling like throwing up since i got up this morning and i haven't had anything to eat as of yet. Obsessing over calories, when i was trying to pack my lunch, making mental notes that i need to get low calorie snacks because i know what I'm eating is not enough but everything i pick up seems too high. Can't even justify eating a friking chewy (granola) bar with myself. Juice unless its boxed, is simply a no go, and I'm starting to just really get worse fast and i don't know what to do. But i think I've pretty much decided to go to the gym, its a cold and if I cop out every-time I'm sick then yeah I'm never going to do that. Yesterday intake was high but took a lax pill and so i don't feel too bad i guess. Still under a1000cal so that's good, took the water pills today, will be taking them over the weekend, or maybe switch between them and lax not sure. Will need to buy new lax pills at some point probably Monday or Tuesday. Might do them Tuesday, go to the mall early and get a scale or go after class, and drop it off at home then come back to the gym..... not sure what the plan is yet, but i will get a scale next week for sure. So tired of not being able to weigh myself. If you (my fellow readers) know any good brands for scales let me know cause I'm clueless as to how to shop for one, but know that i am on a limited budget so price is an issue.