Shitty Night

Did not end well, binged after dinner... took laxatives so hopefully won't gain, i know I'm taking them too often but w/e, i don't really care, Thursday is going to be a fast till dinner, I'll allow myself my usual cup of hot chocolate and if I'm feeling dizzy then I'll also add some crystal light to water. I know its good i ate, but i really don't want to be eating when I'm not hungry as it pisses me off. My chest is still hurting, I'm tired so I've got nothing done and i have soo soo much to do... shoot me now please, can i just disappear from this hell that is called life?? I think sometimes the smaller i get the easier it will be to disappear to be less visible, to be even less noticed... sigh.. too tired to even do my usual crunches=fail