Lyrics by Plumb (Cure &Endure)
While i was reading another blog something the person wrote struck me, the various assumptions that we carry around of other people myself included. I think its part of human nature that we on sight judge and assume things about people upon our first encounter of them. I myself am guilty of this, guilty of judging and labeling someone, a friend or a complete stranger before I even really get to know them. I know how much it bugs me when people make assumptions about me.
My parents are fond of this and so are my brothers and it ticks me off to no end. I may be quiet and withdrawn when I'm around you but that doesn't mean that i am not fun our outgoing, or that i can't be happy. It's just when you spend enough time alone as a little kid, you learn to entertain yourself, you learn to take comfort in being alone. Just because i don't want to talk to my cousins, people who i barley know, and who are so much older than me that we couldn't possibly have anything in common doesn't mean i don't care, or that i'm antisocial. I'm constantly being told by my parents that i don't have enough confidence in myself, that i should trust my judgement more often, but it is hard to do that when you refuse to let me grow up. They (i.e. my mom) refuses to let me make mistakes on my own, or second guesses every decision that i make. Yes sometimes it is out of fear, but that doesn't mean that i won't ever do what it is i wanted to do, it just means that it is on hold for now, until i fell ready to take on w/e it is that i wanted to do. Its just so frustrating sometimes.
Anyways today marks a day of change, a day of self-discipline and endurance. Bought a water pill today and started taking it, also off my anxiety meds and not sure if its actually affecting me yet or if its the water pills cause they have caffeine in them are you're not supposed to take them with caffeine but i had a tea afterward (woops)., but i need my morning cup of tea to get me through the day.....
My ex is coming to pick something up from me today, later in the evening and I'm just hoping that seeing him won't make me spiral out of control, I'm trying so hard to forget him and not talk to him and just try and forget he ever existed (his idea not mine), but it seems to be harder than usual. I don't talk or text him anymore, and barley ever email him except the few times that i needed him to come get his stuff from my garage, so yeah we'll see. Been feeling kind of sad and depressed after my Drs. appointment and just sort of feeling like everyone who is supposed to be supporting me regardless of if I'm ready to get better or not is like do w/e you want and deal with the consequences after, or i don't have time for you so I'll just recommend this group for you so i don't have to deal with your anxiety. Very frustrated and angry right now too, hope these feelings will pass soon.....
P.S- if you're reading just post a comment to say you're reading so i know i'm not just blogging to no audience. Thanks to anyone who reads this.
2 comments:
I'm reading!!
I know what you mean about learning how to entertain yourself alone I've done it my whole life.
I really hope this fresh starts works :)
I just want to let you know that you've been commenting on my blog lately and its really meant a lot to me <3 thank you
I'm hear to listen SN (I'm=rose), and besides who cares if your talking out into the great unknown? Isn't that the best part, that maybe people aren't listening but it's like you get everything you want off your chest. So even if nobody is listening, which I am by the way, keep talking because who cares if people don't listen right??
Ps. You have inspired me to start my own blog:)
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